inquest

Chapter 5 - The Front Porch Ambush

Two days after New Year’s, winter settled into an ugly rhythm of gray slush and biting wind. I was coming home from my job at the accounting firm at five-thirty in the evening, holding Lily’s hand with one arm and balancing a paper grocery bag containing pasta and sauce with the other.

As we reached the top of the stairwell on the third floor, a shadow shifted near my apartment door.

Lily gasped and stepped behind my coat.

My mother was standing there in a heavy down coat with a fox-fur trim—a coat Rachel had bought her two Christmases ago on a credit card that I ended up settling. Her makeup was meticulously applied, but her eyes were swollen and red.

"You're making this very difficult, Maya," she said without greeting us.

"Lily, go stand inside the vestibule for a second," I told my daughter, handing her the grocery bag. I unlocked the deadbolt, pushed the door open just enough for Lily to slip in, and pulled it shut behind her, leaving myself out in the cold hallway with my mother.

"What are you doing here, Eleanor?" I asked. I didn't call her Mom. The word tasted wrong in my mouth.

"Eleanor?" She pressed a hand to her chest, wounded. "Is that what I am to you now? After nine months of carrying you? After thirty years of raising you?"

"You didn't raise me," I said, keeping my tone completely even. "You managed me. You used me as an unpaid babysitter for Rachel, and when I got a career, you turned me into an ATM. What do you want?"

"The bank sent a final notice today," she hissed, dropping the wounded mother act. Her jaw set into the hard, bitter line I knew all too well. "Marcus Vance wouldn't even talk to me on the phone. He told me the loan restructuring was contingent on your financial profile, and since you withdrew, they’re demanding proof of income to refinance. Arthur and I don't qualify! You know we don't qualify!"

"Then Rachel can co-sign."

"Rachel has student loans! It will ruin her credit score!" my mother shouted, her voice echoing down the narrow apartment hallway. A neighbor’s door cracked open two doors down.

"Lower your voice," I said.

"I will not lower my voice! You think you’re so righteous, don't you? Sitting up here in your cheap little apartment, acting like you're better than us! You think you can throw your family out onto the street because a six-year-old had her feelings hurt over some cheap plastic beads?"

Something inside me, some last lingering thread of daughterly guilt that had survived thirty years of abuse, snapped completely cleanly.

"Those beads took her four days to string," I said, stepping closer to her. I wasn't shouting, but my voice carried a weight that made my mother take half a step backward against the wall. "She picked out pink and gold because she remembered you wore a pink scarf once. She was proud of it. And you let your other daughter mock her, and then you laughed."

"It was a joke, Maya! We were teasing!"

"No," I said. "You were cruel. Just like you were cruel to me when I was her age. But here’s the difference between me and you, Eleanor: I won't let my daughter spend the next twenty years earning the right to be loved by people who only see her as a convenience."

"We will lose the house," she whispered, her lip trembling.

"Then pack your boxes," I said. "Because the transfer isn't coming back."

May you like

I turned, stepped into my apartment, and locked all three deadbolts behind me.

***

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